I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
PANTIES FOUND
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
