So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
