Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
why is half of my head shaved?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
