STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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