i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
