my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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