i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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