I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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