whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
