I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
