Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
