come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
