Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
