Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
