Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize