I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When are your genitals available?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
