i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
