What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
