Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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