i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
