her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
