by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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