don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good