Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.