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Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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