You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?