i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.