i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...