i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!