fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.