I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
