when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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