just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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