you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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