Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
