i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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