i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
