don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
