Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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