remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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