Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
