Where is the hickey?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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