its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
