Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
