I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
