I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
