how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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