I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize