i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
