I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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