Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
