can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
