Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize