The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
