We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
