she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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