9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
