I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
