Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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