I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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