There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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