I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
