Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
