i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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