did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just google imaged poop.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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