VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
