I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
