Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
