My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I touched a dick in church today
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
