everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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